Based on our experience, odds are the majority of your professors will fall into a ‘type’. We’ve put together a list of all the professors we’ve encountered, and added a few helpful tips for how to best deal with them.
The Hard Ass
The most notorious breed of all, The Hard Ass has been infuriating college students for centuries. They are unapologetic, stern, and seem to have an unwavering dedication to fucking you over. You submitted your final as a PDF instead of a word document? Zero. You finish your exam 30 seconds past the deadline? Zero. You have a serious life event and ask for an extension? Too bad. Zero.
If you can’t drop it, be damn sure you get everything in on time. Oh and if you don’t have a planner already, get one.
The Cynic hates Capitalism. The Cynic hates Socialism. They hate liberals, they hate conservatives. In fact, the Cynic hates people in general. The country, nay the world, is going to shit and we get to sit through rant after rant as to why.
Sometimes funny, other times a little depressing, The Cynic will never fail to entertain.
Similar to The Cynic, The Conspiracist is also quite the entertainer. Why learn about anatomy or supply chain management when you could be learning about how the moon landing was fake and it was all filmed in the Denver Airport where Tupac is hiding because 5G is controlling all of our minds for the Deep State?
If you ever encounter The Rare Cynic-Conspiracist Hybrid, you’re in for a ride. Sit back and enjoy.
The Harmless Crush
You’re sitting in a lecture trying to pay attention when suddenly a certain thought crosses your mind. Wait a second… why is this prof kinda hot? They could be teaching anything. Astronomy, Spanish, or (most commonly) History. Like the title says, your little crush is completely harmless and obviously isn’t going to come to anything. It just makes class a tad more interesting 😉
Try not to make it too obvious… but honestly you’re probably not the only one.
This breed will make your eyes heavy. The combination of the monotone voice, the desolate powerpoints, the three hours of class time, and what may be the most boring subject in the world, makes it almost impossible to pay attention.
Just focus on staying awake, try to take some notes, and maybe doodle a bit. Definitely stop for coffee on your way to this class.
All of the high school teachers that told us “this shit won’t fly in college” must have never encountered The Chiller. They’re the opposite of The Hard Ass. Anything goes. You only submit 2 pages of a 5 page assignment? That’s chill. You don’t go to class for a week? That’s chill. You’re too hungover to present today? No worries, go home and rest.
Remember, they’re chill, but don’t get too comfortable. They’ll still expect all the assignments to be turned in before finals.
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The One Who Doesn’t Give a F***
This breed is different than the Chiller in that they openly Do Not Give a Fuck. They’re probably over the age of 50, are heavily protected by their tenure, and seem to put little to no effort into teaching. The only thing you’re getting out of this class will be a good grade.
This can be nice if you’re not interested in the subject, or a complete waste of time and money if you actually want to learn.
Although it may not seem like it, The Dinosaur doesn’t necessarily have to be super old. What they are is completely out of touch with the current/future environment of the subject they are teaching. Most commonly their inexperience is in relation to how technology has affected their industry. It can be a little sad to witness because you can tell that they once were very knowledgeable.
Cut them a little bit of slack, and you definitely get brownie points for helping them out when they’re struggling to put their PowerPoint in presenter view.
The Problematic One
What’s it gonna be today? A racist joke? A good old fashioned boob glance? A “Devil’s Advocate” speech that seemed just a little too passionate? Universities are filled with a bunch of rich old white men, so it’s no surprise that some of them are going to be Problematic™.
That being said, just because we aren’t surprised doesn’t mean we should let them get away with it. Try not to waste too much time on them but if they’re really out of line, hold them accountable! An e-mail to the dean or a scathing professor feedback form may bring them down a notch.
The “Relatable” One
This breed was just in college ten years ago and totally understands what it’s like to be a student. They also happen to assign hundreds of pages of readings and three classes worth of assignments due tomorrow. But sure, they totally get it.
Skimming your readings is a skill that will get you far in this class.
The One Who Doesn’t Make Any F***ing Sense
We’ve all been there. You’re trying so hard to follow along but it seems like the professor is speaking a foreign language. You feel completely and utterly lost.
This can be super frustrating and you may be tempted to throw the towel in, but the truth of the matter is that the concept probably isn’t even over your head at all, and with some extra help (or maybe a different teaching approach) you can do it! Give your school’s tutoring services a try.
The “Woke” One
Whether they’re actually well-informed on the social state of the world or if they’re what Twitter would call “Fake Woke”, this breed has some thoughts on political correctness. In other words, they could either inspire a passionate protest or a passionate eye roll depending on their stance.
If you don’t agree with their stance, it’s best to keep it to yourself. You’re better off swallowing your pride than earning their wrath by disagreeing.
This one is self-explanatory. Some people are just weird, man. We don’t even have any tips, you’re gonna have to just power through. They’re normally nice, so don’t be too worried about this one.
After enduring all different kinds of professors, every once in a while you’ll come across someone you might actually build a professional relationship with.
Always be on the lookout for The Mentor because sometimes they can be disguised as a different breed. Maybe give The Weirdo a second chance?
Editor’s Note: Happy 21st Birthday, Sydney 🙂 – 04/29/2021